I'm talking about a specific kind of generosity: giving and receiving oral sex. For all our sexual sophistication, this act still has the power to make us squirmy. People either want more of it or don't want it at all or want to receive but not give it or -- you get the picture.
Unlike intercourse, in which you're equal participants, oral sex is usually something one partner gives while the other receives. It's the giving part -- and the corresponding power to withhold -- that makes oral sex unique. It's sufficiently socially acceptable that people feel okay about asking for it -- as opposed to, say, anal sex. But oral sex is still considered enough of an extra that folks can't complain too loudly if their spouses won't partake very often. Since it's human nature to want what's hard to get, it's small surprise that this one little act can produce so many tiffs. "I'd like to get as much oral sex as I give him," says one woman. "He claims to enjoy giving it, but the lack of frequency says otherwise."
See why this is all about generosity? Yes, sexual tastes differ, but it's also true that oral sex is often used as something with which to negotiate, to manipulate, to punish, to reward. (C'mon, admit how stingy you can be when your husband shirks his domestic duties. A blow job, honey? We think not.) Why does withholding oral sex pack such a marital wallop? Because you can get away with it. If there is an imbalance in this area, the only way to redress it is for the giving partner (let's say you) to make the withholding partner (him) this offer: "You can decide to be generous, or I can decide to be selfish. What's it gonna be?"
Read more: Ways to Please a Man - Oral Sex - What Men Want - Redbook