Number 1 - Enthusiasm
Quick! When was the last time you initiated sex? You're asking, "Who cares who makes the first move?" He cares. Initiating is a clear way of proving your lust. If your husband is always the one to start things up, eventually he'll wonder, "Why doesn't she ever come after me? Doesn't she want me anymore?" Here's the thing, though: You may think that by unbuttoning your blouse one notch, putting on red lipstick and giving your husband a come-hither look, you're initiating sex, because you've signaled your interest. Dollars to doughnuts he'll say he initiated it, because he's the one who sidled over, slipped his hand under your blouse and kissed your red mouth. When guys say they wish their wives would initiate more, they really mean they wish their wives were more aggressive, more obvious, and more direct. Next question: When was the last time your husband came on to you and you rebuffed him with a kiss because dinner was cooking or the phone was ringing or -- whatever? I know about the mountain of chores and your endless to-do list. I also know that rare, wide-open moments for intimacy present themselves and we let them pass by -- in the name of efficiency, responsibility, practicality.
To be spontaneous is a form of surrendering, of saying that nothing matters at this moment but the two of you. Spontaneity tells your man you think he's worth putting everything aside for. As one nostalgic husband says, "When we were first together, the spontaneous 'nooner' would make me smile for days, and the unplanned encounter with my wife is still the best kind of sex."
Yet too often we block the urge. We feel interest stirring, and instead of letting it develop, we step in with the usual controls -- kids, work, laundry, sleep -- and postpone the flicker of arousal until a more convenient time. Convenient! Did you ever imagine you'd make convenience a condition for sex? Don't you miss the excitement of inconvenient sex, the just-between-us thrill of sex in unlikely places at unlikely times?
Sex is about so many things -- love, fun, eroticism, connection -- it's silly to let opportunities for intimacy pass by because they're not quite right. The value of sex is sometimes simply in the connection. And what your husband will read into your willingness to be spontaneous is that you want him under any conditions -- good, bad or indifferent.
More later this week....interesting reading!